Reflections on Seven Weeks of Marriage
 
I've read a lot of books on marriage; one has to when going through the rather intensive pre-marital counseling with which I was blessed.   But you never read anything from someone who is newly married.  For whatever reason, it usually takes a person 20 years or so to take the time to reflect upon what has happened in those two lives.   So, in light of a comment my new bride made to me recently, I figured I'd take a moment to reflect on some of the things that I've learned in these first seven weeks of marriage.   I've left out a few of the more obvious (such as self-sacrifice) in favor of some of the finer point that we have discovered thus far on how to accomplish the obvious.  Parents, if you find this interesting, informative, helpful, have your children read it; if they are anything like most of us growing up, they'll listen when someone closer to their age talks or writes (which is ridiculous, but seems to be part of our rebellious nature).   In any case, I begin.
 
Lesson Number 1:  Pray together.  Now, even as I say this I know that we have failed so many days in this regard.   But taking even a brief moment to pray with each other at some point during your day (other than at a meal) will strengthen you.  I'll never forget what my sister told me the day before we got married; marriage is like a triangle with the Lord at the top, and as you grow closer to him, you grow closer to each other.   Already I am finding this to be so true.  It is amazing what you learn about a person when you listen to their prayer, because in prayer we (often unknowingly) reveal our deepest desires, our passions, our hurts, and our victories.   This is infinitely magnified in the marriage relationship truly seeking transparency.  You can open up to each other in ways that you might not be able during regular conversation.   Seek Him together, and watch the Holy Spirit work in your life. 
 
Lesson Number 2:  Seek to begin each day with some time together.  I learned this lesson after about three weeks.  Because of my wife's school schedule (she was finishing up resident course work in Virginia) and my working schedule (I work at a church on weekends in North Carolina), we had to drive five hours each way from Norfolk to Charlotte and back every single weekend.  This made for very long Sunday's, and extremely short rest before she had to get up on Monday morning and go to school.   Naturally, I was exhausted one Monday morning and slept through her getting up, getting ready for school, making her own lunch, ironing her clothes, and finally leaving for the day.   When she came home that afternoon, she mentioned how much she missed spending time with me in the morning.  Now, our time in the morning was nothing special.   I'd get up, help her get ready in whatever way I could (usually making lunch, ironing clothes, making coffee, etc.), and send her off before I got ready for my part-time work in the area.   We did not speak much during that time, and when we did there was never anything said that a casual observer would consider extraordinarily meaningful.   But it was that time together, being able to help each other prepare for the day by just being near.  Of course, you may have a job that disables you from this practice; but if at all possible, find some time to spend together at the start of your day.  
 
Lesson Number 3:  Learn to laugh together.  The human body is truly an amazing thing; and what's more amazing is all the research that shows the benefits of laughter.   My new bride and I love to have fun together; that's why we got married.  We had dated others who were of "marriage material," but there was always something missing, and (for me especially) that was fun.   Most of your life is going to be spent being serious; bills to pay, school work to finish, kids to take care of, appliances breaking, family and friends with health problems.   If you don't take some time to have fun you are going to be miserable.  Children laugh around 400 times a day; adults, about 40.  There is something seriously wrong with that picture, which is why my wife and I have decided that we are not going to be adults for five more years (if ever!).   Find some time together where you can, well, play!  Be a kid with your spouse, and watch how it strengthens your marriage and manifestly increases the joy in your house.  
 
Lesson Number 4:  Learn to laugh at yourself.  We all do things that are just plain stupid, don't we?   So instead of getting defensive about all of your imperfections, learn to laugh at yourself.  Sometimes we do dumb things that are funny, but we're so embarrassed having done it in front of others that we get hostile, defensive, or just run away.   But your life with your spouse is going to be filled with moments that might otherwise be embarrassing.  But guys, she doesn't care; and girls, he doesn't care.   If you are self-conscious around your spouse, you're going to be miserable.  Find a way to drop your guard around your spouse.   God has meant for marriage to be as such. 
 
Lesson Number 5:  Be vulnerable with each other.  This is a hard lesson to learn, and I'm only beginning to scratch the surface.   But learning this in however tiny amounts has allowed me to hurt when my wife hurts, to celebrate when she celebrates, and to walk along side of her as God has intended.   God has placed your spouse in your life for strength, and you are missing so much if you keep something for yourself.
 
Lesson Number 6:  Do not be afraid to take some time away from each other.   Each of you has certain things that you love to do for fun, and many of those will not necessarily take to the other spouse.  That's okay!  While I enjoy reading, my wife loves it.  She can sit and read a book for hours without moving; and I do mean, without moving.  On the other hand, while my wife enjoys exercise, I can run around and "play" for hours.   So, when I'm out playing sports or lifting weights or whatever, she stays home and reads.  I have taken up tennis over the past year, and my playing partner was convinced that once I was married, we'd never be able to play again.   But, I assured, that it was actually going to work out perfectly, because it would give my wife a chance to read without me being around to bug her, and me a chance to play without worrying if she felt left out.  
 
Obviously, there are a thousand other lessons that we have learned thus far, but these are some that I believe many of us miss.   I would love your thoughts on this, so please do not hesitate to respond to this article.  I pray God's blessing upon your marriage, as he has truly blessed me thus far.