Don't Give Up On Your Marriage<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
 
Marriage problems? How bad is it? Has the "D" word surfaced? Do you feel hopeless about things getting better? Perhaps you've thought about divorce but you're afraid of the consequences. What would your family and friends think? Could you bear the social stigma? Perhaps a divorce doesn't seem to "fit" you because you've been successful in career and other areas of life. And what about the children? How would they be affected? 
   
When faced with martial misery, the duplicity of maintaining a good public image can be unbearable. There's no escaping it, divorce places a heavy burden on those affected by it. Many have compared it to death. Consequently, some have chosen to endure a "dead" marriage---at least until the children are raised. Have you accepted marital defeat until the apparently inevitable occurs?
    
Admittedly, there is almost no unhappiness as intense as the unhappiness of a failing marriage. When a relationship that was meant for love and companionship becomes filled with conflict, bitterness and despair, it can make life seem painfully unbearable. Yet I believe that any marriage can improve if husbands and wives are willing to work at it.
 
A marriage that appears to be a disaster can become a mutually satisfying relationship. Is it easy to turn a bad marriage into a good one? No. But all satisfying marriages require effort and sacrifice. A seasoned counselor once recommended that lifelong love and companionship is "a by-product of an iron-willed determination to make it work."
   
In more than 22 years of pastoral ministry, I've had the privilege of helping hundreds of people with pre-marital and marital issues. Each fall semester for the last 14 years, I've taught a course for singles on the qualities of a good marriage. I certainly don't have all the answers but I have learned a few valuable lessons along the way. If you are willing to try to save your marriage, let me recommend some important considerations.
 
First, you must be completely honest about the condition of your marriage. Agree together that things are not good between the two of you. Openly admitting that you're not doing well in your relationship is an essential first step to recovery.
 
Secondly, you must reject the mentality of defeat. Agree together that you don't want to give up on your marriage. Believe that success is possible. Although the obstacles seem insurmountable, you must dig deep for one more effort.
 
Thirdly, humble yourselves and be willing to seek help. This is a difficult step for people who are successful in other areas of life. But we all need help when we can't see the forest through the trees. A wise counselor can often guide couples to a clearer understanding of their situation. Rarely do deeply troubled marriages turn around without intervention. There are people who can assist you.
 
Fourthly, you must believe that saving your marriage is the best option. It is hard to pursue a goal when you do not believe in it. Get perspective. Reflect back on the better times in your relationship. Rededicate yourselves to the value of your marriage covenant.
 
Finally, take responsibility for the contributions you have made to your marital problems. Identify the blocks you have placed in the wall that separates the two of you. Stop the blame game. Admit your own faults. Look in the mirror and you'll see the only person you are able to change.
 
Please receive this as a letter of appeal. I am asking you not to give up on your marriage. Perhaps the battle has been intense and the wounds are deep. I agree with the one who said, "There is no misery as miserable as the misery of a miserable marriage." But it doesn't have to be this way. A good marriage brings health to your life. It offers benefits that have significant effects on many. It is generational in its influence. All marriages have miserable moments. We must choose our responses to those moments. Everything that is worthwhile requires effort. Your marriage is worth the effort.
If your marriage needs help or you know someone who could benefit from some assistance, email me for a free marriage resource packet s.cornell@millersvillebiblechurch.org  
 
Steven W. Cornell,
senior pastor
<?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" />Millersville Bible Church
58 West Frederick Street
Millersville, PA. 17551
717-872-4260