by Steve Cornell 
http://thinkpoint.wordpress.com/
Raising four energetic, athletic, competitive children (now ages: 22,20,19,15) surely increased my appreciation for fatherhood. Fellow dads - our sons and our daughters need us. Let's take seriously our role and the great opportunities we have to permanently impact their lives. From one father to another, I offer five encouragements for effective fatherhood.
1. Love your wife -
One of the best gifts a father gives his children is the love he shows to their mother. Of the three social relationships in the family; (husband/wife, parent/child, and sibling/sibling) the most important is husband/wife. I agree with the counselor who suggested that, "The relationship between a husband and wife is the foundation on which kids build their sense of security, their identity, and learn to relate to others." Cultivating loving relationships with our wives is indispensable to our role as fathers. Follow the scripture, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25). Do you love your wife sacrificially?
2. Be flexible - 
Creatures of habit and routine, we dads tend to resist the changing patterns of fatherhood. As a result, we risk missing opportunities to fully invest ourselves into each phase of life. Children move quickly from infants to toddlers; toddlers to young adolescents; young adolescents to teenagers. These stages of growth can be demanding and frustrating. But each phase is valuable and calls for special involvement from dads. This will mean change. We cannot always do the things we enjoy. Don't resist the natural rhythm of life. Invest yourself! Enjoy the bright spots while enduring the more stressful seasons. By doing this, we will minimize painful regrets. Simple fact: We can never recapture the phases once they pass.
3. Help with the children -
Wives often say, "I just wish my husband was more involved with the children." Dads, let's not assume that God gave mothers the responsibility of raising children. The scripture says, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:4). One of the qualifications for being a church leader is that a man "must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him with proper respect" (I Timothy 3:4). That sounds like involvement!
Ask your wife what you can do to help with the children. Better yet, surprise her and think of a few things on your own (only be sure it will help). I know how demanding and stressful work can be. We men, however, are too often inclined toward an idolatrous longing for success everywhere but the home. Sometimes we tie our ego so tightly to our work that family ends up with the leftovers. Being successful at home might not offer public reward, but in the end many men wish they could trade their business empires for more meaningful family life.
4. Discipline with love -
Our nation is suffering from lack of discipline in the home. Men, we must be true to our children by giving them the gift of consistent, loving discipline. Proverbs says: "Discipline your son while there is hope," "Do not hold back discipline from the child" (Proverbs 19:18; 22:14). With directness and simplicity, God also says: "Fathers do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged" (Colossians 3:21).
How might a father discourage his children? Consider some possibilities:
* Verbal abuse: Harsh criticism, a sarcastic and demeaning tone of voice, name calling.
* Physical abuse: Excessive discipline, fits of rage leading to slaps or punches.
*Moodiness: Irritability, emotional distance, bitterness and vengeance, constant complaining, mental preoccupation.
* Inconsistency: Uneven discipline, broken promises, hypocrisy, unspoken expectations, irregularity of rules, fluctuation between unreasonable strictness and unpredictable permissiveness.
∗ Favoritism: Choosing one child over the other. (Fathers sometimes unknowingly do this to their daughters when preoccupied with their son's sports activities.)
These approaches to discipline will deeply wound the spirits of your children. Be honest with yourself. Keep your heart and head at home. Take time to communicate and grow close. Be in touch verbally and physically. A word of encouragement or praise, a hug, pat on the back, wink of the eye - each help communicate to our sons and daughters their importance to us. Men, our nation itself depends on us!
5. Love God -
Central to everything else is to be a man who loves God. The greatest commandment teaches us to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength. In other words, a love that consumes our entire lives. Love is a verb–an action. It is also a value word directed toward something of supreme worth–God himself!
Part of the work of John the Baptist (the forerunner to Jesus) was "… to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children" (Luke 1:17). When men turn to God they also turn their hearts toward home. Help your children reach beyond the temporal world by showing them a deeply committed relationship with the eternal God.
Lead your family in worship. God speaks to us through the Bible - do you know what he says? Prioritize church involvement for yourself and the family. Choose one that teaches the bible. Our children need a solid moral and spiritual foundations and your example is immeasurable. 
In his humorous book on fatherhood, Bill Cosby wrote, "… having a child is the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit." In my parental frustration, I once asked my mother how she ever endured having eleven children. Her response is well taken, "Having them is not the challenge - it's raising them!" As difficult and demanding as it is, I challenge all fathers to aim with me at "no-regret fatherhood." Love your wife. Be flexible in the phases of life. Get involved with the children. Discipline with love. Love God.
Steve Cornell